


The Moonlit Garden

by tousleheadedpoet



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Everybody Lives, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2019-07-08 13:47:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15931682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tousleheadedpoet/pseuds/tousleheadedpoet
Summary: When Mollymauk is young and trying to figure out who he is, a strange visitor appears in his dreams. And afterward, the goddess continues to touch his life in small but beautiful ways.Written for day 4 of the Mollymauk Lives Fest, prompt: the Moonweaver. Transferred from original tumblr post.





	The Moonlit Garden

“All right then, one last card. Who shall this be for?” Mollymauk Tealeaf flourished his new tarot deck, cards leaping from hand to hand. “Bo? Gustav? What questions of the future haunt your soul?”

“Nah, Molly, you’ve done us all a dozen times each. Pull one for yourself this time.” Gustav lounged near a tent wall, adding some extra embroidery to his flashy ringmaster’s vest. The other members of his circus were in similar positions, talking and reading and stretching and doing the dozen little tasks that busy people do in their few relaxing moments. It was nearly the dead of night, but that’s just like sundown for carnival folk.

“Oh, but that’s boring!” Molly protested. “Do a reading on myself, and how am I supposed to reveal the deep and secret questions of my own heart? I already know them!”

“Even better. You’ll be able to sniff out a bad bluff,” said Gustav.

“Ah, come on. Just one question?”

“No, and I’m going to bed, so if you don’t draw one soon, you won’t be able to ask me if you’ve forgotten what it means.” True to his threat, Gustav snipped off the scarlet thread with a tiny pair of scissors and put away his needle.

“Well, fine,” Molly said, “if you’re going to be like that.” He shuffled the deck one more time and drew a card from the center. “The Moon,” he announced, flipping it back and forth dramatically. “Stands for mystery, magic and… uh, changeable..ness. So I expect that the cards are warning me to beware of magicians. They can be very unpredictable.”

Gustav snorted. “I’d think that for a man with so much empty memory, you’d be able to fit more in it.”

“To be fair, this is a lot of cards to learn in a day,” Molly said with a lighthearted glare. “So tell me what the Moon says about me, then.”

“The Moon means mystery, yes, and magic – but primarily illusion. Deception, even, or secrets and confusion. Also any sort of unconscious mumbo jumbo – creativity, intuition and dreams, clarity about your identity, fear of the past, a truth you don’t want to admit to yourself, that kind of thing. It’s one of my favorite cards, actually, because it’s so contradictory. It can mean whatever you need it to in the moment, perfect for a good bluff.”

“Ha!” Molly twirled the card between his fingers. The silver-gilt moon on its face twinkled. “I like it too. Illusion, creativity, and intuition, you say? Maybe this is a good card for me, after all. Except the fear of the past, of course. I don’t have enough past to be afraid of.”

“Lucky you,” Gustav said, and rose. “I’m off to bed, you should be too. And Toya, you should have been down an hour ago! We’re packing up before noon tomorrow, everybody!”

Molly shuffled the Moon card back into his deck and tucked it into a pocket. “All right then. And according to my own reading, I’ll have some lovely and mysterious dreams.”

***

And so he did.

Pretty young women weren’t unusual in Molly’s dreams, necessarily, but this one seemed a bit different. She didn’t look like any woman he’d ever seen, for one. Her skin was a lovely shade of blue, and she had graceful horns that curved up instead of down, forming a slender crescent above her forehead. Short white hair floated weightlessly around her face like a halo.

“Hello, beautiful stranger,” he said, and bowed with a flourish. “You are lovelier than the night with stars. Now what do you say we skip right to the fun parts? I think I saw a few nice leafy grottos or perfumed bowers around here somewhere.”

The woman laughed, a silvery sound that made him shiver with delight. “I knew I was right to like you,” she said. She stepped close and traced a finger down his face and to the hollow of his throat. “But this is not that kind of dream… yet.”

Molly blinked. “You… know this is a dream?”

“Of course I do, darling, I made it for you. Nice, isn’t it?” She spread her hands to indicate their surroundings: a moonlit garden, sparkling with hidden lights and filled to intoxicating levels with night-blooming flowers and fruits.

“Very,” Molly said, hesitantly. He was clearly dealing with some sort of… dream… creature? Goddess? Then he shrugged, and decided not to look a gift dream in the mouth. He tilted his head and leaned forward, just enough to kiss his mysterious visitor on the cheek. “And I like the sound of ‘yet.’”

She twirled away, laughing again. He noticed that her feet just barely skimmed the grass but, in the logic of dreams, it didn’t seem strange enough to be worth mentioning. “So you like what you see, do you?”

“Of course, my lady.” Molly bowed, even more elaborately this time.

“Then let me ask you a question, Mollymauk Tealeaf,” she said. “Who are you, and who will you be?”

“To be perfectly honest, I’m still trying to figure that out. I’m a carnie, for sure, and a part of a team. I’m a fortuneteller, but in a helpful way, I hope. A con artist, when necessary. Which, I’m sure you understand, sometimes it is necessary, some people just have too much gold, you know?” A smile and a wink encouraged him, and he went on. “I’m a performer, a protector, a lover, a friend, I’m a new man, I’m somebody who wants to drink every drop of life and love it, I want to see every inch of the world and be happy it exists, I’m the drinking song the universe sings to itself, I’m Mollymauk Tealeaf, I’m me!” he shouted, and threw his arms out wide as if introducing a circus act. As he realized he was doing it, he self-consciously lowered them and gave a sheepish smile. “And as for who I’m going to be – well, more of the same, I hope, only better.”

The blue lady looked at him with a glowing smile. “What a _wonderful_ answer, Mollymauk. I can see we’re going to be good friends.” She reached up and grabbed his horns, and pulled his head down to give him a kiss on the forehead. “Follow me, my dear, and you’ll have _ever_ so much fun.”

***

The circus carts rolled out of town just as the sun peaked in the sky. Bright-colored banners and trail dust floated behind them. Mollymauk sat in the frontmost wagon next to Gustav, tossing a juggling ball from hand to hand. “Gustav?” he asked. “Do you know much about goddesses?”

“Goddesses? Which ones? You pick up a few things when you travel as much as I have, but I’m no priest. Why do you want to know?”

“Ah, I saw an image the other day, I think it was of some goddess, and I’m just curious.”

“Ask away then, lad, I’ll never stifle your curiosity. Just remember I’m not a theologian.”

“I don’t even know what that word means, so that’s fine. Are there any goddesses of… adventure and fun? And maybe dreams, too?”

Gustav chuckled. “That’s a bit vague, but perhaps you’re thinking of Avandra, the Changebringer. She’s the goddess of freedom and luck. That’s who I pray to, if I ever have a need to be praying.”

“Hmm, maybe…. what color is her skin?”

“What color? Well, it sort of depends on who’s painting her, I suppose. Usually darker than mine.”

“Not blue?”

“Blue skin?” Gustav considered. “Oh, I bet that’s the Moonweaver! She’s a cheeky one, for sure, if it’s not blasphemy to say that about a god. Guardian of evening trysts and mischief. But where’d you see a picture of her? We’ve been in the empire ever since we picked you up.”

“Moonweaver,” Molly murmured. “Moonweaver.” He threw his ball straight up and snatched it out of the air. “Yes! That’s her for certain. Gustav, I’ve decided to worship the Moonweaver!”

“Far be it from me to keep you from religion!” Gustav laughed. “And she’s a better god to serve than most, if you want my opinion. Only got a few commandments, not like some of those lawful gods.”

“Does she have a symbol, something her worshippers use?”

“A crescent moon with arrows, if I recall correctly.”

“Could you maybe embroider it on my coat?” He swept off his bright red coat and held it up, imagining how they symbol would look on the back. “Or teach me how to, I bet I could pick it up quick.”

“That’s the thing, Molly. Moonweaver’s one of the illegal gods in the empire. It’s ridiculous, men thinking they can outlaw a god, but all the same, if you’re caught worshipping her here, they’ll lock you up. That’s why I was wondering how you even heard of her.”

Molly dodged the question once again. “Well, let’s do a whole bunch of different holy symbols then! So no one can tell who I really worship. But maybe we could put the Moonweaver’s in real silver thread, and the rest in all different colors. Besides, that would look very dashing, don’t you think?”

“Yes, it sure would,” Gustav chuckled. “I guess we could do that. And what the hell, I’ll teach you a few prayers and such too. I don’t much agree with the empire’s laws anyway.”

“Gustav, you are too good to me, defying the law for my sake.”

Gustav snorted. “I’ve done that for far less reason than you. And anyway, the Moonweaver’s first commandment is: ‘seize your own destiny by pursuing your passions.’”

“I like that!” Mollymauk laughed. “I like that a lot!”

***

Molly completed the motions over his swords: the shape of the crescent moon, then hands stretched out in supplication. _Moonweaver, my lady_ , he prayed silently. _Bless these swords that they may protect those who need it. And me that I can find new memories and new joys. And if you can do something to perhaps make that tabaxi girl forget about me, or whoever she thinks I am, that would be grand. In return, not that you’ve ever asked anything of me, my lady, but still I promise that tomorrow I will… make a child smile, and kiss someone pretty_.

He made the motion once more, and looked up. Fjord was staring at him. “Good night, Fjord,” he said, and slid into bed. Not the worst inn bed he’d ever slept in, not the best either. Fjord was apparently not embarrassed to have been caught staring, because he was still doing it. Molly raised his eyebrows. “Have a question?”

“Oh, uh, I don’t mean to be rude, Molly, but now that I know that stuff about your family bein’ priests or the swords bein’ magic isn’t true… well, I have to admit I’m a little curious what that ritual actually is. I mean, only if you don’t mind sharin’.”

Molly sighed. “No, I don’t mind. I just liked making up those stories, really. Although,” he laughed, “I can’t believe you were still believing me after I’d told you three different ones! In all honesty though, it’s just praying. Regular praying, no special reason or anything. Just asking my god to help me through the next day.”

“You uh, mentioned the Moonweaver, back under Jester’s little spell, but didn’t really say who that is?”

“Yes, the Moonweaver, that’s who I pray to. Have you heard of her?” Fjord shook his head. “The lady of light and shadows. She protects lovers and tricksters like me, helps people find their freedom and their joy. She helped me out a lot, back when I was figuring out who I was. Dreams, nudges, sending good people my way, that sort of thing.”

“Well, that sounds real nice,” Fjord said.

“It was indeed. I’m sure I would have found my way eventually even without her, but there’s something good about seeing an ideal, a goddess in my case, and being able to say - yes, that! That’s what I value. That’s what I want to be.” Molly flipped over onto his side to look at his roommate’s face directly. He looked vaguely uncomfortable, in the way of people trying to empathize with something utterly unrelatable. “Haven’t you got anyone you pray to?”

“Not really.”

“Well, maybe you should talk to Jester about that. I’m sure she’d be thrilled to have her first convert.” Molly grinned.

“Ha ha. I’m not sure the Traveler's really my style. But… maybe I could just pray with you, tomorrow night. If you don’t mind, that is.”

“My friend, I don’t mind at all.”

***

The Moonweaver was pouting. “This is terribly unfair,” she said. The fireflies and fairy lights of the night-blooming garden blinked a little faster than usual, like they were agitated. “I’d been planning for _years_ more fun with you.”

“I’m right here,” Molly said. “So what’s unfair?”

“Oh, it’s not the _same_ ,” she sighed, her face a beautiful picture of sulkiness. Molly said nothing, only lay back on the grassy slope and stared at the stars. His recent memories were a bit hazy, but he couldn’t help but agree. Something was not the same. Visiting the moonlit garden in his dreams wasn’t unusual, although seeing the goddess herself was less common. Still, something seemed different this time. For one thing, there were a lot more stars.

“Hmmm.” The Moonweaver tapped a finger to her chin. “I think I still have a few favors I could call in.” Then she leapt to her feet, her hair and dress billowing like mist around her and a wicked grin on her face. Molly was instantly reminded of why and how dearly he loved her. “Yes! Mel still owes me for that business with her high priestess, haha! She should be able to sort this out fine.”

Molly fluttered his eyelashes at her. “High priestess, eh? That sounds like an interesting story.”

“Oh, it is, but I’ll tell it to you later, love.” She bent down and kissed him right on the nose, gentle as the touch of a moth’s wing. “Now wait right here, darling, and don’t move an inch until I get back.” She shimmered and faded away until only her grin was left, a gleaming white crescent against the blackness of the sky. “I’m going to pull a few strings.”

***

Nott was prying. They were on the road again, and the rest of the Nein had gone ahead, allowing Molly to hang back. But whatever sense let people know when their friends wanted a little privacy to think, Nott had been born without it.

“So you don’t remember what it was -”

“Nope,” said Mollymauk.

“Or how you got -”

“Not a clue.”

“What about -”

“Nope, no, definitely not, I remember nothing, and I would prefer it to remain that way, _please_ ,” he said firmly. “Honestly, Nott, I thought we already had this conversation.”

“I know, but… I just can’t imagine not being curious, at least. And I’m really really happy you’re back, but… what if there’s some danger? What if it’s a trick, or a trap?”

Molly sighed. “I know you’re worried, but honestly, I think it’s fine. I think… the Moonweaver had something to do with it.” He had no reason to think that, really, other than the silvery strangeness of the scar in the center of his chest, and the way his hair always smelled of jasmine and lavender now. But that was reason enough, wasn’t it? The Moonweaver had never been anything less than perfectly gracious and subtle with her blessings.

“Your goddess?” Nott said. Molly nodded. “Makes sense, but usually there’s a cleric involved at least, and we found you alone…” She trailed off and looked up at him with her wide yellow eyes.

Suddenly Molly felt a rush of fondness for the little goblin girl cut through his annoyance. Sure, she was relentlessly and invasively personal, but apparently that was the only way she knew how to show love. And her reaction when they had found him…

“Nott, you are a good friend and I love you dearly. But you need to understand: sometimes you just have to accept the mysteries of life and be grateful. Now go catch up to Caleb, I’m sure he has some things he wants to talk about.” And with a last glance back at him, she did.

Molly stopped for a moment and looked at the retreating backs of the Mighty Nein, framed by the leafy trees around the path. _I am lucky_ , he thought, _to count these people as friends_. But for a moment more, he hung back, and appreciated the brilliant blueness of the sky, and how the wild birds sang.


End file.
